122. How Do I Lead My Family?

Posted by Conrad on 06.14.11 in Devotionals.


(We’re getting a pool starting this week so I thought I’d do a bit of a diary as it gets done).

As you can see I tried swimming in our backyard, but it didn’t work out too well, so we figured things would work out better if we got a pool for that spot.

Since pools aren’t cheap, (hopefully one of our kids doesn’t want to go to college, or want to eat for the next five years) we have to make a series of decisions – What’s our budget? Which company do we go with? Which pool? What pavers? The list is endless.

However, as with any couple the two members of a relationship have differing ideas.

My financial philosophy is… never spend money. If it were up to me, we’d only be eating ramen while living in a box constructed from those same ramen wrappers.

My wife however will spend money, but she’ll find deals through coupons or special offers.

With us, I believe that I need to lead my family. It is impossible to have two people lead. No matter how nice you two are or how much your compromise, one person will have to give a little more than the other when the decision is made.

The world sees a leader at the top of an organizational pyramid, with everyone underneath. Christian leadership flips that model upside down because of the idea of Servant Leadership.

Matt 23: 11 The greatest among you will be your servant.

The leader actually should be at the bottom of the upside down pyramid, serving everyone above.

So this means that I shouldn’t make decisions unilaterally or without seeking advice because I should have their best interest in mind, rather than my own.

Also, as a leader, as a manager, sometimes deferring to someone else’s expertise is the correct way to lead.

Also, a leader cannot do everything themselves. A leader also must recognize areas they lack and where others excel. So sometimes intentionally delegating responsibility to the right person is the right move.

For example, in relation to kids, I have to recognize that even though I bear ultimate responsibility of spiritually training the kids, sometimes I need to shut up, talk to the wife about the best things to say, and then let her do the talking. I recognize that sometimes things come better from mom, or that she just has a certain chemistry with the kids that I don’t. And the most effective course is to delegate.

Tyrants make poor leaders because they lead by fear from the top. As Christians we should lead out of love from the bottom.

If you lead by love, then you will get their input and you will consider their feelings. But love also understands that sometimes what family members want isn’t the best thing for the family and we must make tough, unpopular decisions and end up being the bad guy.

But what if you aren’t the leader? Then you must know your role – which is supporting, not surplanting, the servant-leader so that actions that the family takes are Godly ones.

It’s not about who’s the best, because we are equal in God’s eyes – it’s about knowing your role so that stuff that God wants done, gets accomplished. It’s not about us, it’s about God.

And hopefully God wants us to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for breakfast because that’s where I’m about to lead my family, of course only after getting their input and delegating the driving to my wife as well as the payment.

Matt 23: 11 The greatest among you will be your servant.

Take time to pray: Ask God to understand and embrace your role as a servant.