Artist:  Simple Plan
Album: Still Not Getting Any…
Label: Lava Records
Tracks: 11

Simple Plan’s latest horrendously titled album ‘Still not Getting Any…’ captures the crazy teenage angst and emotion that the average record executive feels. 

The album starts out with ‘Shut Up’—where the band tells us who’s the boss.  They sound like they’re really angry at someone.  I’m just glad it’s not me.  I don’t think I could live with myself.

Next up comes the single most of us have unfortunately had to hear.  Thanks to the technology of auto-tune, we are brought ‘Welcome to my Life’.  I’m not saying Pierre Bouvier needs it; maybe they just like the ‘vocal effect’ it brings.  Whatever the reason, this song is terrible. 

In all 11 songs on this album, Simple Plan whines about something, or someone.  It’s the typical complaining about how unfair life is, how they hate their jobs (poor guys), lost love, and how parents are the enemy.  

To close the album comes perhaps one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard.  It starts out a pretty piano ballad—then in come those vocals and more trite lyrics.  More auto-tune and ghastly vocal tone ensue as Pierre sings ‘how could this happen to me, I’m sick of this life, I just want to scream, how could this happen to me’.  Funny, I was actually beginning to feel this way after listening to this album a few times.

Even the artwork is ridiculous.  The copy I received is a ‘special limited edition’. It appears those crazy kids Simple Plan kids are dressed up like elderly people, golfers, and adults stuck in the 70’s.  I say appears because I’m not 100% certain it’s the band, as it could also be the guys from any other teen mall radio pop punk band.  I guess it’s supposed to be funny or something.  I have more serious concerns however. 

If you didn’t know, I’m a registered nurse.  Now, in the ‘elderly’ pictures, one of the guys is carting an oxygen tank around without the connecting tubing and nasal cannula!  It’s not going to do him much good if he needs it.  Also, another one is holding onto an IV pole with IV fluid and tubing—but the tubing and IV isn’t going into his hand or anything.  I hope he doesn’t need those fluids.  I’m just keeping my fingers crossed those weren’t ‘real’ elderly persons.

This album is for you if you’re angry with life and feel a band like ‘Simple Plan’ and a mainstream record executive know exactly what you’re feeling.  There was a time, not too long ago I was a somber stoic teenager.  Looking back, I was being a big whiney-baby. 

I remember watching a Green Day documentary recently, and someone being interviewed said something like ‘Without Green Day, there would be no Simple Plan--no Good Charlotte’.  Well thanks a bunch Green Day, thanks a bunch!

So while I was searching for the artwork to post here, I came across something quite amusing, yet frightening.  There's actually a website where people can go and vote as to who's more talented--Simple Plan or Good Charlotte.  Just thought I'd share that with all of you.

In closing, I’m not being the ‘cool’ person making fun of pop radio punk here.  Even with most pop mall radio punk, there’s a catchy song here and there--there’s usually something redeeming.  After listening to this album a few times, no melodies are sticking out.  Musically, there’s nothing noteworthy.   I’m being honest here.  Not even rock genius producer Bob Rock could do anything to help this.

This album tastes like New Jersey.