Have you seen the winner of the ugliest dog contest?  Because if you haven't, you really need to.  This dog has won this unique contest three years in a row.  Now I really don't think it's fair entering this dog into the contest - because it's a zombie.

 

This picture is totally for real...

 

 

In other dog news...

 

So I was walking Julia's dog yesterday and I had some lady freak out on me.

 

Let me elaborate.

 

Because I'm such a giving person, I offer to walk Julia's dog sometimes.  I know, yet another sacrifice.  But that's just the kind of person I am.  Always generous, charitable and crap. 

 

So I'm walking Julia's little dachshund, Brutus.  Now Brutus is way cuter than your dog.  I know this, it says so somewhere in the Bible. 

 

So like Brutus and I are walking in the neighborhood. I don't know if you know anything about dogs but if a dog sees another dog, your dog will to it's best to pull you towards the other dog as if it's seen a long lost relative.

 

So Brutus sees two medium sized dogs, like huskies or something.  So immediately Brutus is like, "ANOTHER DOG!  I haven’t seen another dog in about 4 minutes!  Must… pull… as… hard… as…. possible!"  Nevermind the fact that Brutus travels no faster no matter how hard Brutus pulls.  It's because of this invention called a "Leash".  It attaches to the collar of the dog and other other end goes in your hand, which you use to control where your dog travels.

 

The owner of the other two dogs wasn't paying attention somehow and didn't see us approaching.  As if a weiner dog and a strikingly handsome and generous guy coming directly at you for about a hundred feet isn't totally obvious.  One of her dogs was like, "DUDE!  Another dog!  Must… sniff… its… butt!"  The dog starts taking off at us, yanking the leash, startling the owner. 

 

So naturally, it's my fault. 

 

This lady starts screaming at me.  I thought it was so outrageous that I couldn't help but smile.  She's like yelling at me for walking on the same side of the road she was.  That I'm stupid for doing that.  And that her dogs would chew mine up.  That's the way to get my dog killed.

 

But remember that new invention I talked about called the "leash"?  Well here is a good case of where it should be used.  If you use the "leash", your dog can't go anywhere you don't want it to." 

 

So by saying my actions were stupid (my actions being: walking my dog, while keeping the dog close to me) basically she admitted her dogs are dangerous and pose a threat to others.  And it was my fault for not knowing this.

 

I have to admit that is one of my faults – not being omniscient.  Man, I really try.  As good looking and as generous as I am, I am not all-knowing.  Not that I haven't tried. 

 

So after she's done yelling at me, I told her to have a nice day. 

I will try harder to become all-knowing.  While I'm working on that, I'll also work on my telekinesis and master the time-space continuum.  Maybe after that people won't yell at me for walking a weiner dog.