So like I'm a really good friend. 

 

So good of a friend, that sometimes I drive Julia into work.  Like, she could totally drive herself.  Cause, you know, she's got a car and stuff.

 

On the days when I drive her to work, I have to wake up earlier than normal since I don't start work till 8AM, and she has to leave her place at 7.  So that means I have to wake up at 6:30.  Just for her.

 

Oh, the sacrifices I commit… because I'm that good of a friend.

 

And yesterday, do you know how she repaid me?

 

After all my sacrifices for her?

 

…she throws up in my car.

 

So I'm like driving her, being all sacrificial and loving my neighbor and putting other people first, generally being totally Christ-like, and she's all complaining and whining, "I don't feeeeel good."  Geez, it was so irritating.  It was like listening to rap-metal for like ten minutes straight. 

 

Then she keels over, grabs a bag that I deposit my trash in and proceeds to throw up into it. 

 

It was gross.

 

After her first round of throw up, she was apparently not done and then turns on my CD player.  I happened to have in the best metal album of all time in, Megadeth's "Rust in Peace".  So the song "Holy Wars" comes blaring through my car.

 

I really don't know how Megadeth is supposed to help the situation. 

 

Really, I don't.  I've thought about it a lot since the incident. 

 

Hearing someone throw up accompanied by awesome metal doesn’t really help the situation - at all.  I mean, we're talking best metal album of all time, and hearing someone throw up is still totally gross.  It's not like, "Oh gross, she's throwing up, no wait, it's okay because this song totally rules!"  "Holy Waaarrrsss!"  Bang head, flash metal sign.

 

And remember that bag I was talking about? 

 

Well, it had a big hole in it.

 

So the throw up went all over my floor.  Some of it got on her shoes as well, but that's not important.  My floor.  My floor was besmirched.

 

Great.

 

You know how I cleaned up her vomit?  With the same stuff we use to clean her dog's mess. That stuff is called "Nature's Miracle."  You know, when I'm cleaning up dog excrement I have never once thought to myself, "What a miracle of nature."    

 

So here I am cleaning up Julia's mess with what we typically use for the dog.

 

And that's how Julia repays my love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – with throw up. 

 

After all my sacrifice and patience and, oh wait, Megadeth is playing.  What was I talking about? 

 

"Holy Waaarrss!".  Bang head.  Flash metal sign.