Julia and I are gearing up for our upcoming wedding.  Now depending on your gender, you will either think my next statement is totally awesome or totally lame.

 

Here is the statement…

 

"Our wedding will be very simple."

 

Okay, you guys are all like, "Dude, I want my wedding to be simple.  None of that crap matters anyway.  If we get married in our kitchen or in a cathedral, we're still married.  But with an expensive wedding we'll be married all the same but we'll be in debt till we get divorced.

 

You girls are all like, "How could they have a simple wedding?  That's the one day for the girl to feel like a princess and wear crowns and jewels and ride around on a unicorn and dance on rainbows.  Oh, how I love to live in debt!  I'd rather have three magical hours of stress, than to live many years in happiness."

 

During the planning of this wedding, I've come to a realization about girls…

 

From the time girls are born, they have this great longing to be a princess.  That's their lifelong dream. 

 

They like dressing up, and pretending to be rich and beautiful.  The wedding is finally the excuse to blow tons of money to play dress up one last time, to finally live out their childhood dream - to be a princess for a day.

 

That's why girls love weddings so much.

 

And why guys don't.

 

There are no childhood dreams realized for guys in a wedding.  That's because guys and girls have very different interests.  Now guys would enjoy it more if weddings involved any of the following boyhood dreams: dinosaurs, killer robots, pirates, killer robots pirates, guns, swords, missiles, bombs, rockets, lasers, really anything that has to do with killing others.  None of which appear in a wedding.

 

I will list elements of a wedding, and as I list these things, let us see if any of these items have anything to do with killing.

 

Tiaras

Veils

Bouquets

Candles

Lace

Corsages

Pretty dresses

Dancing

 

See?  For a guy all this is BO-RING!

 

If weddings were actually for guys this is what the guy equivalent would be:

 

Tiaras – Pirate Hats

Veils – Ninja masks

Bouquets – Rocket Launchers

Candles – Flame Throwers

Lace – Animal Skins

Corsages - Grenades

Pretty dresses – Body armor

Dancing – Full contact fighting

 

See now guys would be able to justify the price of a wedding.  As it is now though, these $30,000 weddings offer nothing for guys. 

 

Come on girls, give something for the guys.  They have dreams too.  Besides, they bought you that expensive ring, and what did you buy them?  Oh, that's right - nothing.

 

So for the wedding, you can at least wear the pirate hat.